


Mermaid of the Sun

by Myrrlhe



Category: Persona 2, Persona Series
Genre: Heavy spoilers for innocent sin and eternal punishment, M/M, Others are mentioned but not integral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 03:30:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12740115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myrrlhe/pseuds/Myrrlhe
Summary: The mermaid-turned-human had danced with the prince all night, as the floor was soaked with the blood of her feet. In the end though, she had turned into sea foam for her actions.-Tatsuya deals with loneliness.





	Mermaid of the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when a person is spoiled of Eternal punishment but hasn't played the game itself. As a result, there might be inconsistencies. Apologies in advance.

It's a Saturday and Tatsuya is once again thankful that the government abolished the working Saturday law. Not that he hates his current work, but it was nice to let go some of the tension when the sun was up.  
  
It’s a sticky summer day, cicadas blaring along with the heat. But it's not as hot as it could have been, out in the suburbs. Trees still have their places, and the towering buildings are sparser than it should be. Nothing like the cities, with their urban jungle and sun-grilled asphalt. The traffic didn't help either, lines of vehicles belching out heated gas like no tomorrow. His fingers ghost over the handles of a long-gone bike. That was nothing to dwell over now.  
  
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Apollo mutters its pleasure with how warm it is. Tatsuya is inclined to agree, but that's a given considering Apollo is him. Apollo is him, and he is Apollo. That's how it was supposed to be. Except it wasn't. Tatsuya was just him, while Apollo was a Greek god who had the power of the sun. Not just the sun, but healing and the future. The last two left a sour taste in his mouth. He'd found that information at the library out of curiosity after getting Apollo. Back then, he wasn't particularly interested in that detail, instead asking Apollo if he could ride his sun chariot. Now, he has to wonder. Could Apollo see the future now? Apollo doesn't respond. Tatsuya prefers it that way. An unclear answer hurt less than than a clear one.  
  
If Jun were here, he would have pulled out all sorts of words to describe what he felt. Schrodinger's box. The imaginary within the imaginary. A smile tugged on his lips. He could almost hear Jun's low melodic voice explaining the details, soothing just to listen to. Jun's students were damn lucky to have him as their teacher. Knowledgeable, pretty, gentle...being a teacher was a perfect fit for Jun. And he's glad. It was Jun's ideal after all. A police siren lazily blears in the summer heat and Tatsuya flinches, the sunglasses on his face dislodging slightly. After a pause, he corrects it. It was fine. He couldn't wish for anything more than what he had now. He'd already gotten too much as it is. Like Jun. Maya. Katsuya. And all of the others he'd left back in Sumaru city. The very world spinning under his feet. It'd be greedy to wish for more. He already knew what the consequences of that would be. No, Tatsuya corrects himself. It could be far far worse. He doesn't know the answer because nobody does but he doesn't dare try to find out.  
  
The feeling of anger stirs in him. Not the searing, exhilarating righteous fury Apollo has, but regular gut-twisting rage. It took a beat to realize it was from the Tatsuya from the Other Side. Then in another beat he understands why, and he couldn't help but laugh. Pitiful. He must had looked so so pitiful.  
  
Not for the first time, he wishes Maya was here. Maya, with her cheerful voice and warm smile. Someone who'd forgiven him despite everything he'd done. Jun came to his thoughts again, but Tatsuya firmly shut the door on that thought before he could act on it, aware of the cellphone in his pant pockets. He pulls out the Zippo lighter instead, flicking the top open and shut with his thumb. Click. Clack. Click. It settled into a groove. Click. Jun already suffered enough, more than he should have. Clack. This was his punishment for his sins alone. Click. And if he called now, he just might not be able to hold it back.  
  
He closes the lighter with a final ‘clack’. It all really boiled down to that decision back at the Other Side. Everything that happened up to now, it was his fault for not keeping the promise. His mistakes. His responsibility. Sharp pain stabbed the bottom of his lip, bitter copper filling his mouth. His own stupid goddamn fault.  
  
"Tatsuya?" He jolts up, eyes behind the glasses widening. A slide of the glass door and Jun's presence fills the surroundings. The scent of his perfume reaches Tatsuya before Jun himself does, full with aroma but not heady in the slightest. Just like Jun, who had reached him, putting a slender hand on his shoulders. “What are you doing here?”

 

He opens his mouth, but nothing really comes to mind. “Nothing much.” He admits.

 

For a moment, Jun’s hand curls up, as if he wants to ask a question. It falls back down though, and slides away, only for Jun to settle beside him on the perpetually cold balcony floor. Their arms brush and Tatsuya almost chokes on the swell of guilt.

 

Not guilt. Loneliness.

 

“It’s been a beautiful day.” The sincerity in Jun’s voice turns into knives under his skin. “I should have gotten you along with me.” Tatsuya hmmed. He could have, but he declined when Jun had asked him. It was mostly for Jun’s benefit, they were still new to this neighbourhood and going together would have attracted more eyes than necessary. At least, that was what his reasoning was. "I saw a park nearby. Maybe we could visit sometimes, and-"

 

"Have a picnic?" The words slip so easily from his mouth that he doesn't notice that he said them aloud until Jun's awkward laughter.

 

"Yes, I said something like that before, didn't I? Was it at the temples, or Xibalba?" His arm fidgeted, probably twisting the watch around his wrist. "Sometimes I have trouble remembering things from both of my lives." Jun admits. "Like the other date of my birthday, what present I got from graduating middle school," the hitch in his voice is barely noticeable among the crowded cicada cries, "or which order I blew up the buildings in Sumaru."

 

The blades turn ice cold. "You don't need to remember that."

 

"But I have to," Tatsuya grabs hold of Jun's hand but Jun doesn't seem to notice, "because it really happened, I was the one who made that happen. The concert hall, Smile Hirasaka, GOLD, and the aerospace museum. I gave the orders to destroy them." With a jolt, he realizes Jun is starting to tremble. "I did it while laughing. I knew what would happen, the death and destruction of the entire world and laughed and laughed-"

 

"Jun!" He stops talking, but the trembling only worsens. Swallowing what feels like a rusty knife, Tatsuya draws Jun closer. Jun leans against his shoulder, the rasp in his breath clear.

 

"...Breathe. Please." Please forget. Please forgive yourself. Please forgive him for making you remember.

 _'Please forget about me.'_ He swallows those words too. The past never failed to haunt him wherever he went.

 

"I'm sorry." The tears don't fall, but Tatsuya feels them all the same. "We were both trying so hard to be happy."

 

He wraps Jun in with his other arm, pulling him closer. The act alone makes his chest feel like it's wrenching in two but that doesn't matter. "I know." He really does. They both did. Months of talking, going on trips that they could barely afford, and throwing themselves at every scrap of opportunities for a new life, all just to avoid the elephant in the room.

 

With a motion, Jun wipes his eyes. "It was a mistake, we both knew that we couldn't truly get away. We should have known better."

 

Tatsuya exhales, lowering his head. "Maybe it was." Like staying here, in this world with you. "Even so, I truly enjoyed the times we spent together." That was a gross understatement. Every time they had laid eyes on each other, touched each other, it warmed him, burned him. He felt like the original 'little mermaid' from Anderson, from the many summers ago when the two had read it in Jun's house, then consequently cried. The mermaid-turned-human had danced with the prince all night, as the floor was soaked with the blood of her feet. In the end though, she had turned into sea foam for her actions. The pressure in his fist increases. Would that mean he would turn to meaningless foam in the end? All his efforts and sacrifice, useless? Nyarlothotep's hand shivers on his skin, watching, waiting for just the right time to pull him under-

 

"Tatsu!" He jerks up, turning his head to Jun. "I've called your name multiple times, but you looked so lost." The last words are uttered with so much care that it takes a moment for him to breathe again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have troubled you like this. I was so caught up with my own troubles that I forgot to consider yours." It's Jun's turn to look away, sigh grazing his cheek. He shivers at the touch. "You always seem to carry a burden on your shoulders. Even when we're together, you always seem to be somewhere far away." The air hangs in place, as the pause grows longer. "...Is it because of me?"

 

He whips around so violently that the sunglasses dislodge from one of his ears. "That's not it!" The fire turns into molten magma, disintegrating his insides. "It can never be because of you!" He stops. Was that actually true?

 

"...Tatsu, your glasses." Something touches the askewed glasses and his eyes widen in surprise. Then he realizes what he's doing and clamps them shut but not before he hears Jun's short gasp. Without a word Tatsuya takes it off himself, the eyewear limply hanging from his hand. For a moment he considers curling it into a fist, crushing the plastic frame into an unrecognized mess. Instead, he folds it and puts it aside on the floor. "Tatsuya, I am so sorry-"

 

"Don't be. It's not your fault." Because it's always been him, down to the every single last drop of blood spilt on the floor. He put a hand over his eyes. After Nyarlothotep had punished him for the most recent time, they never stopped burning cold. "...Sorry." If all of Jun's words were blades, his own was a corkscrew. "For the pain you're going through. Sorry for everything." There's so much more he wants to say but the weight of his own words crushes him, muddling whatever he wanted to say next.

 

Arms wrap around him and he chokes. "You don't have to shoulder that guilt. At least not alone."

After all the pain, something finally gives in partway, and the words are almost pulled out of him. "I can't. I can't have you in pain again because of me." Because out of everything, that hurt the most. "I can't bear to have the people I love in pain because of me again."

 

A sniffle. "Don't you see, Tatsu? I am in pain. I'm in pain because I get to see the person I love most suffer." Jun laughs, but it sounds like a cry. "You know how that feels right?"

 

The cheap plastic of the floor digs into his palm. He does. He does and he does and he feels as if he should disappear off the face of this Earth for not seeing it. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." 

 

Jun hugs tighter, his slender frame pressed against his. "Stop saying that...Aren't you lonely enough already?"

 

"Lonely?" Tatsuya croaks. The rest of the mental wall crumbles.

 

Jun nods. "Sorry is the loneliest word. It isolates you, no matter how sincere it is. So please..." This time Jun is crying for real, tears soaking Tatsuya's face. "Let me in."

 

Tatsuya cries. The brands on his eyes flare in pain but it doesn't stop him as his whole body shakes, wracked with sobs. He sobs against Jun's shoulder, crying tears of pent up loneliness and guilt because it's been so long and so hard and so painful. They stay like that for a while, crying in each other's arms, ignoring the summer heat, the cicadas and everything else except for the other.

 

After the tears die down somewhat, Jun whispers. "I got you a present when I went out." He pulls away from Tatsuya, and after some shuffling noises comes back. Gently holding his hand, Jun guides it to a bundle of slightly pointed tips. "It's a rosemary." He explains. "It symbolizes many things, the peak of love, beautiful memories. It also means remembrance." Jun's voice turns up, probably in a smile. "I might have remembered the terrible sins I've done but I also remember you. And I never want to forget again. Please remember that."

 

Jun's lips are soft. Tatsuya isn't even sure who started the kiss but it doesn't really matter when Jun is right there. He pulls the other closer, drinking him in along with the scent of perfume and rosemary. There are so many things he want to say, but he can't choose or make sense of the words so he does what he does best, taking action as he grasps Jun's hand. And they stay like that for a while, summer heat stilling the air.


End file.
